Week 25

It's a good thing at least two of my kinfolk have Internet access, otherwise I couldn't post occasional blog updates, and more importantly, I couldn't keep up with what's going on over at http://dooce.com I hate to admit, but I have suffered withdrawal symptoms from not being able to get the scoop on all things Utah, but I feel better now. Thanks, Chris.

The past few unemployed weeks have been some of the best of my life. I have decided to keep a daily routine, which helps me be a more functional and normal human being. Did I say normal. Here is a sample schedule of my morning routine. I won't document the whole day, because I don't have time or megabytes to cover every scatter-brained moment.

6:00 a.m. - Hit snooze button...

6:09 a.m. - Hit snooze button again, only harder.

6:18 a.m. - Finally get up because it has been at least 30 minutes since I last peed.

6:20 a.m. - Stagger to fridge, pour large glass of milk and take prenatal vitamins. Start coffee pot and wait, impatiently. (Yes, I AM allowed 3 cups per day of caffeine. I don't drink sodas.)

6:30 a.m. - Get dressed in walking duds, while sipping first cup of steaming, delicious guilty indulgence with vanilla caramel creamer.

6:35 a.m. - Kiss B goodbye and look for first snack of the day. Cereal, banana, biscuit?

7:00 a.m. - Sit on couch, indulgently sipping coffee and eating. I will do this at least 15 more times today.

7:30 a.m. - Still trying to wake up, sitting on the couch, sipping second cup of coffee. And wondering why did those idiots at NBC didn't replace Katy with Ann Curry. I love Ann Curry. Who the hell is this Meredith chick? Also, what's up with Matt's hair? I smell Rogaine.

7:55 a.m. - Dragging bloated self from couch, heading to the door to meet my two walking buddies. For the next hour, I will waddle along for two whole miles while stopping for no less that three pee breaks. Thank God I live in the country.

9:15 a.m. - Sit on couch until further notice while enjoying the warm afterglow of brisk walking.

That's it. That is the extent of my daily obligations, for now at least. I keep telling myself that my self-indulgent freedom is ticking away, so I don't feel guilty for enjoying this time alone. I am having a wonderful time, visiting with family, planting flowers, and talking to my ever growing midsection. It's the calm before the storm, and I intend to soak it all in. Gotta paint a nursery soon.

Hope you all are well. Holler if you get a chance.

Adieu, and adieu.

As some of you may already know, I'm taking early 'maternity leave' from my job. I had an opportunity to take a voluntary layoff because the company is downsizing, and I couldn't be happier. Right now I'm day dreaming of a vegetable garden, flower beds and Sylvi's nursery. Hopefully I will have the energy to accomplish these goals before I become too morbidly pregnant to waddle around and get things done. The weather is mercifully cool right now, so I can't wait to get outside and get busy. I think they call these pregnancy urges to clean and rearrange everything 'nesting'. Makes me sound like one of those broody old hens that momma had in the chicken yard so many years ago. No, I have not started clucking or scratching, or roosting in my back yard. Not yet, anyway.

I'm sure I will suffer withdrawals from my daily trips to the big city, but at least I won't face the daunting task of deciding what over-priced fast food to eat for lunch each day. I'll miss having daily morning meetings with the crew in the break room downstairs, and laughing my head off at their twisted collective senses of humor. One thing I will not miss is dealing with the innumerable glut of idiots who ring my phone off the hook on a daily basis. The sheer volume of rhetorical and pointless questions still swirl around in my head like a giant cyclone of feces. Mind numbing, I tell you.

Until next post, I bid you all a very fond farewell, for now anyway. I'm not really going anywhere...I'm just going home, sweet home.