After each post, I keep forgetting about certain artists...Pink Floyd this time. I'm sure I'll remember others, but on with the story.
I stayed with my sister after my divorce, which was a blessing. We listened to music, ALOT, and I drank, ALOT...I was miserable. I thought my life was over, but actually it was just beginning. You have to understand...my WHOLE LIFE, up until I was about 30, was spent trying to please other people. I don't know why I became this way...my parents certainly didn't make me that way.But during my marriage, I was lulled into a sort of trance that told me, "Don't rock the boat, do exactly what he says, you don't NEED to have your own identity." Ooooo...that was my first big mistake, listening to that subliminal voice. I should have followed my heart instead, but I aquiesced, and tried to be a good little "suzie homemaker". But no matter what I did, it was never enough. I am not one to brag, but I was a good, faithful wife. I worked a full-time job, kept the house immaculate, cook like a gourmet, kept myself looking attractive, hell...I thought I had it all figured out.
Then one night, I woke up from a dead sleep...it was like someone had shaken me awake, then disappeared. I opened my eyes and looked over at my husband beside me. I went cold, and a feeling came over me that totally unnerved me. Who was the man lying in the bed next to me? It was like he was a complete stranger...I was horrified, and felt completely alone. It looked like him, but it's like I really didn't KNOW HIM. And that sums up my marriage completely.
I stayed with my sister after my divorce, which was a blessing. We listened to music, ALOT, and I drank, ALOT...I was miserable. I thought my life was over, but actually it was just beginning. You have to understand...my WHOLE LIFE, up until I was about 30, was spent trying to please other people. I don't know why I became this way...my parents certainly didn't make me that way.But during my marriage, I was lulled into a sort of trance that told me, "Don't rock the boat, do exactly what he says, you don't NEED to have your own identity." Ooooo...that was my first big mistake, listening to that subliminal voice. I should have followed my heart instead, but I aquiesced, and tried to be a good little "suzie homemaker". But no matter what I did, it was never enough. I am not one to brag, but I was a good, faithful wife. I worked a full-time job, kept the house immaculate, cook like a gourmet, kept myself looking attractive, hell...I thought I had it all figured out.
Then one night, I woke up from a dead sleep...it was like someone had shaken me awake, then disappeared. I opened my eyes and looked over at my husband beside me. I went cold, and a feeling came over me that totally unnerved me. Who was the man lying in the bed next to me? It was like he was a complete stranger...I was horrified, and felt completely alone. It looked like him, but it's like I really didn't KNOW HIM. And that sums up my marriage completely.
posted by Reality Chick at 7:12 AM
2 Comments:
Hi! Don't forget about your blog now Ms. Popularity!!!!:)
Hey, I totally feel ya on the story of your marriage. My was something like that also. I was in a friends wedding, at a church, the minister was preaching, and God told me(I am not going to say "to get a divorce," for fear of too much religious criticism)that my marriage was not right. It was like a cold chill ran through me. I was never the same, but that was a good thing b/c when you try so hard to love someone that you forget to love yourself you not truly living or loving.
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